Gw berasa naek roller coaster yg berenti naek turun naek turun naek turun..

Everything should be far more easier kalo aja elo tu gak kayak gini.. tau nggak..

Iya siy gw tau elo pusing.. elo sibuk.. ga usah ngomong juga gw dah aware koq.. secara orang2 juga notice.. secara elo juga dari dulu ilang timbul.. kadang sms ngajak ngopi ngerokok... kadang telp ngajak lunchie... kadang gw juga do the same.. tapi lantaran sekarang gw ada rasa yg ga jelas gini gw jadi bete... tau nggak??

Gw akhirnya beban cuma mo telp elo.. takut elo ge er.. takut elo gede kepala.. gw kepengen kayak dulu.. gw bisa sms or ga sms.. telp or ga telp.. tanpa beban..sekarang gw mo telp aja ragu.. kalopun akhirnya ketemuan juga sebel.. soalnya kejadian sering ga kayak diharapkan..

Jadi sebenernya apa seh yg gw harepin dari elo... Jujur kacang ijo neh... Bo ong kalo gw bilang ga ada.. bo ong kalo gw bilang gw ngertiin kondisi elo.. bo ong kalo gw bilang kayak sapardi joko darmono.. aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana.. karena gw ga pernah jadi mahluk sederhana.. gw kompleks.. gw akut.. gw obsess.. gw ga sehat..

Kenapa siy elo musti kayak gitu.. elo pinter banget deh.. Di saat gw udah kecewa braat ama sikap elo.. Pasti deh elo telp.. pasti deh elo sok care.. Bikin hati gw berbunga-bunga lagi... bikin gw berharap lagi.. bete... nyebelin.. tau nggak?

Kayak tadi.. seneng siy di telp.. walowpun mungkin elo cuman mo nge-cek doang.. gw end up nya ketemuan ama dia apa nggak.. gw yg penakut n ga berani tidur sendiri ini.. hehe.. Gw bete denger ketawa lo yg kesannya girang banget kalo dia tu lagi gak di sini.. walaupun ga berarti apa2.. tapi.. tetep aja gw seneng elo telp..

Kenapa siy elo tu musti nyebelin gitu.. Kenapa siy elo gak bisa biarin gw tenang.. biar gw bisa ngelupain elo.. biar aja kenangan yg di bandung itu jadi kenangan aja.. biar gw bisa bilang kayak fall out boy.. thks fr the mmrs.. even though they were not so great.. at least I got what I wanted.. u did hug me.. u did kiss me.. that's what I wanted.. tau gak??

Gw rasa gw beneran suka ama elo.. gw ga mau jadi cem ceman doang.. TAU NGGAKK???

Gw rasa gw patah hati...

What is really happening to me? I mean.. How could I ever feel this way bout him??..

There are certain people who exude a kind of quiet composure. They may not say much, but they go about their business with an air of calm deliberation. Their presence is comforting because they are so centered. For me, this is the energy of Temperance.

To be temperate is to show moderation and self-restraint. In a world full of enticing indulgences, it is often necessary to find the middle ground. Sensible, maybe, but also a bit boring? The energy of Temperance may seem unexciting on the surface, but it is the calm of a hurricane's eye. All around are swirling winds, but in the center is a still point that brings everything into balance.

In readings, Temperance can represent a need for moderation, especially when extreme cards are present (such as the Knights). This card can also indicate a need for balance. In conflict situations, Temperance suggests that compromise and cooperation are vital. Look for any opportunity to bring opposing parties together. In fact, to temper can mean to modify by adding a new component. By combining and recombining, we come up with the ideal mixture or solution. Temperance is the card of good health in all areas - physical, mental and emotional. When illness or dis-ease is a concern, Temperance holds out the promise of vitality and well-being.

So what will happen if I pursue this?

You open the door to find your partner in the arms of someone else. You overhear your best friend laughing at you behind your back. You find out your business partner has been cheating you for years. All of a sudden your world is turned upside-down. You're stunned, disbelieving and finally heartbroken.

The image on the 3 of Swords clearly describes this sudden pain. You literally feel as if someone has taken a sharp object and jabbed it through your heart. Even something as minor as a snippy remark can feel this way. Notice how this contains just a heart and three swords. When your heart is breaking, you feel as if that is all you are - an open wound.

In readings, the Three of Swords often represents the nasty little curve balls that life can throw sometimes. Betrayal, abandonment, rejection, separation, a reversal of fortune. These hurts are painful because they hit you when you least expect them. If you have drawn this card, you may know what it refers to, but if not, the Three of Swords is a valuable warning. It is likely there is something amiss in your life that you are unaware of or unwilling to acknowledge. Curve balls hit us when we're looking the other way. Examine your situation carefully. Talk to the people in your life. Don't take anything for granted. Listen to your inner voice; it will help you locate the problem.

It is also possible that you are contemplating hurting someone else. With this card I think it is important to remember that each of us is capable of cruelty. We're all human, and we all make mistakes, sometimes serious ones. In the end, all we can do is trust in the goodness of life and try to live up to that ideal. When you slip, forgive yourself, and try to forgive others in turn, but, even better, head off trouble before it arrives.

Is there anything in store afterwards?

To understand the 2 of Cups, all you have to do is look at its image. A man and a woman are gazing at each other, ready to share their cups (emotions). Here is the very picture of romantic and sexual attraction. The energy between these two is almost palpable. The Two of Cups shows the beauty and power that is created when two come together. This is the card that lovers want to see, and, in fact, the Two of Cups is the minor arcana equivalent of the Lovers in many ways.

The Two of Cups has a deeper meaning as well. Whenever two forces are drawn together, there is the potential for bonding. This card can stand for the union of any two entities - people, groups, ideas, or talents. In readings, the Two of Cups tells you to look for connections in your life, especially those that are one-on-one. Now is not the time to separate or stay apart. It is the time to join with another and work as a partnership. If you are in conflict, look for truce and the chance to forgive and be forgiven. If you are struggling with two choices or tendencies within yourself, seek to reconcile them.

Usually, the Two of Cups is welcome in a reading, but it can also sound a note of warning. The energy of Two can be very compelling. If you have ever stood next to two people in love, you know what I'm talking about. They create between themselves a world of their own that can feel exclusionary to outsiders. "Two's company; three's a crowd." Make sure that the tendency to pair off is not creating disharmony in your situation.

but I think it's just impossible..

with me.. nothing's simple.. involving u.. it become impossible

Simple Together - Alanis Morissette

You’ve been my golden best friend

Now with post-demise at hand

Can’t go to you for consolation

Cause we’re off limits during this transition

This grief overwhelms me

It burns in my stomach

And I can’t stop bumping into things

I thought we’d be simple together

I thought we’d be happy together

Thought we’d be limitless together

I thought we’d be precious together

But I was sadly mistaken

You’ve been my soulmate and mentor

I remembered you the moment I met you

With you I knew god’s face was handsome

With you I suffered an expansion

This loss is numbing me

It pierces my chest

And I can’t stop dropping everything

I thought we’d be sexy together

Thought we’d be evolving together

I thought we’d have children together

I thought we’d be family together

But I was sadly mistaken

If I had a bill for all the philosophies I shared

If I had a penny for all the possibilities I presented

If I had a dime for every hand thrown up in the air

My wealth would render this no less severe

I thought we’d be genius together

I thought we’d be healing together

I thought we’d be growing together

Thought we’d be adventurous together

But I was sadly mistaken

Thought we’d be exploring together

Thought we’d be inspired together

I thought we’d be flying together

Thought we’d be on fire together

But I was sadly mistaken

I miss ur loud laugh n crazy remarks every now n then
I miss ur way of looking @ me 'though I'd never know before that u could look @ me that way
I miss ur lips
I miss ur hugs
I miss the way u hugged me so tight 'til I could not breath
I miss the way u told me afterwards that's just because my nose is so damn small that I could not breath
I miss the way u kissed me.. yes even though they're lousy.. yes we do know u're not qualified as a good kisser..
I miss how u looked @ me over n over again between those kisses
I miss the way u touched my forehead that gave such of soothing feeling that I could not understand.. even until now
I miss caressing ur left eyebrow.. I wished @ that time that I would have all the time in the world just to stay there in ur arms..n never have to leave u
I miss kissing the corner of your lips.. it tasted so sweet I end up wanting for more n more..
I miss u so much.. that eventhough u told me that this kind of feeling doesn't need to be expressed every now n then I still cannot help it
n wanted so much to let you know that
I miss u..
so much..

Lihatlah, aku telah banyak mencoba,
    dan mencari di mana-mana
Tetapi tak pernah kutemukan seorang sahabat
    seperti dirimu.
Aku telah mencoba setiap pancuran,
    setiap butir anggur,
Tetapi tak pernah
    merasakan kenikmatan minuman anggur
    seperti dirimu....
                                    (Rumi)

AKU INGIN

Aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana
dengan kata yang tak sempat diucapkan
kayu kepada api yang menjadikannya abu

Aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana
dengan isyarat yang tak sempat disampaikan
awan kepada hujan yang menjadikannya tiada

(Sapardi Djoko Damono)

Kemaren pagi gw panik. Gara2 dapet email panggilan interview. Yeah, I know.. U might think what's the big deal with one lousy interview. Well, bo.. Secara interview-nya di HQ, bo.. Gimana gw ga panik.. Asli panik banget.. Iya siy belun tentu keterima.. Tapi teteup.. ribet gak siy? Secara cuman one day interview.. Gw kudu ngurus visa.. Aduuhh.. Bisa pa ya secepet itu.. Mana mereka maunya ke sana awal Agustus lagi.. Gw pun panik-sepaniknya..

Lantaran si ganteng kecengan gw ga bisa di-contact buat curhat n tanya2.. Akhirnya pilihan gw jatuh ke dia. Ya, dia harusnya ke kantor, setelah sehari sebelumnya dia kerja dari rumah. Dan akhirnya kita ketemuan, setelah hampir 2 minggu ga ketemu.. setelah semua telp dan sms2 basi itu..

Tunggu.. Koq, kayaknya ada sesuatu yg lain ya? Setelah sempet ngerasa ill-feel sehari sebelumnya, setelah sempet ngerasa kalo dia tu nggak banget (nggak cakep.. nggak napsuin.. nggak cool.. nggak type gw..), gw masi ga tau kudu bersikap gimana.. God, koq kayaknya the way he looked at me.. Why? Why are u looking at me differently?.. I mean, I saw that kind of look before.. Iya, dulu one of my ex-boy friend biasa memandang gw dengan tatapan yg kayak gitu.. Gw bisa bedain.. Dulu2 dia ga pernah ngeliat gw kayak gitu... Mudah2an cuma lantaran dia dah lama gak liat gw.. Mudah2an.. Bukan pertanda apa2.. I mean lets not get serious here..

Secara otak gw mikir lain, tp kenapa perbuatan selalu ngikutin hati ya.. Bukannya otak yg jelas2 logic gitu lowh!! I hate myself.. Bo, secara kita ga ngapa2in.. Cuma ngopi ngobrol ngerokok ngobrol lunch ngobrol ngerokok telp sms telp telp.. Asli.. Ini siy lebih parah daripada kejadian di bandung..

Sementara gw keep on hearing people talking about her. Bad things actually.. Jutek (ngg.. kalo itu siy sebenernya gw juga..). Ih gak penting, anaknya sok aktip gak jelas gitu (Komen ini agak bikin gw syok soalnya yg komen temen gw orangnya ga pernah prejudice gitu-ngg berarti bener dong??). Keluarganya nyebelin (Huee.. gw cuman senyum n said gw juga cuman kebetulan tau koq.. ngg bukan temen - lantaran-takut-disamaratakan-sbg-orang-nyebelin-walow-cuman-kebetulan-pernah-satu-sekolah). Mending lo kenalin aja ama temen lo biar dia cere ama istrinya (????!!! -Gak bisa komen saking syok-nya). (Extracted from different sources).

Anyway, busway.. Sebenernya gw bingung.. Bingung mo ngapain sama dia.. sebenernya ada apa siy di antara kita berdua. Secara kita yg cuman ngomong mesra kalo di telp doang. Tapi kalo ketemu ga ada tuh pembicaraan yg bener2 ngebicarain soal gw ma dia. I mean, I was ready for just another one night stand.. Tp ini koq begini.. Mudah2an gw cuma ge er.. Mudah2an gw salah liat pas kemaren ngeliat dia ngeliatin gw dengan caranya yg seperti itu.. Mudah2an gw cuma lagi sakit mata, lantaran kemaren pagi pas ketemu dia gw mikir kalo dia ternyata ga jelek2 amat.. Mudah2an gw cepet sembuh.. Mudah2an...

Trus interview gimana niy??? Ga tau... Gw ga yakin bakal keterima.. Gw cuman mikir ini kesempetan buat gw jalan2 tiket dibayarin (as usual!! Hahaa..) Tapi kalo keterima gimana? Gw kudu merit dong??? Kalo gak gimana gw mo ngajak co gw? Tapi gw sebenernya ga mo merit... Secara orang2 yg udah merit itu juga pada selingkuh... Coba.. Padahal mereka kan mengikat janji di depan Tuhan, ya? Koq berani2nya selingkuh... Lagian gw takut rugi kalo merit sekarang... Emang dia jodo gw??? Gimana kalo sebenernya masi ada jodo yg laen... Oh whadddahell mann....

Ya.. gw masi senorak itu.. makin norak malah..

Gimana nggak.. Dengan gempuran sms n telp yg mulai berkamu-kamu.. n although I spent my wik en with georgous boyfriend of mine.. teuteup gw masi mikirin elo.. just like I told u in my sms yesterday.. I did.. I do.. thinkin' of u.. like constantly.. GOD!

Trus terang gw bete.. waktu tau kalo elo ga bakalan nongol gara2 kudu ke luar kota n then lanjut cuti.. Makin bete waktu gw protes lantaran bakal lama ga ketemu, trus elo bilang:"Sayang, kamu lupa sama yg namanya constraint?"

Of course nggak.. Dasar!! Of course gw nauin banget kalo elo tu udah merit.. elo tu udah punya anak.. Trus kenapa jg kalo sms lo lama ga gw bales, elo langsung telp cuman buat nanya: "Elo marah? Koq sms gw ga dibales?.." Kenapa juga pake bilang: "I miss u 2".. Basi tau nggak!! Basi...

Apakah yg terjadi setelah kejadian di Bandung itu?..

Ada yg sok gak mau sms duluan.. tp jg bertanya2 kenapa dia ga telp or sms.. Hr senin berlalu tanpa gw ketemu ama dia. Pdhal udah penasaran n ga konsen ngapa2in gara2 inget kejadian itu mulu..

Setelah 3 malem kurang tidur kurang makan too much coffee and too much cigarettes n mikirin hal yg sama terus menerus kayak dvd rusak, akhirnya ada yg ga tahan sms juga, tp berusaha se-cool mungkin.. n berusaha supaya si sms sounds like sms2 yg dulu (sebelum kejadian jahanam itu..)

Gw: Sibuk?
Dia: Buanget. Lunch?

Jeng jeng.. Agak nyesel juga.. soalnya gw jawabnya cepet banget..

Gw: Ok. Diman jambrap?
Dia: Lo di mana sekarang?

Jeng jeng jeng.. Bukan jawaban biasa.. Biasanya dia cuman bilang jam segini di sini..

Gw: Jessy's.. Avoiding work..
Dia: Gw ke sana sekarang..

Jeng jeng jeng jeng... Yg kayak gini bilang sibuk buanget? Secara waktu itu belun jam 11.. Di pikiran gw udah mikir2.. D'oh sikap gw mesti gimana? Tapi lebih bertanya2.. sikap dia bakal gimana..? I mean after what happened kita tu yg ga ngebahas.. Boro2 mo bahas.. Dengan lutut lemas gw udah kudu ngurusin check out.. sementara dia balik ke kamar dia ndiri.. Trus udah langsung gabung ama yg laen2.. So..

Lama banget akhirnya dia muncul juga.. Sok bersikap biasa.. Tp gw siy ngerasa kalo dia agak grogi.. Which is sama aja ama gw.. I have to admit kalo gw juga grogi saat itu.. Sementara kita berusaha bersikap normal.. Gak ngebahas apa yg terjadi di Bandung.. sambil dia ngap det gw dgn apa yg dia kerjain dari sabtu malem ampe senin.

Tiba2 dia baru inget kalo sebenernya dia udah janjian maksi ama ade-nya. Dan maksa supaya gw ikut.. Akhirnya kita makan b3 di resto yg sering jadi tempat press conference-nya seleb2.. Kayaknya perasaan gw ke dia makin ga karuan.. makin ga jelas maunya gw apa.. n makin ga jelas lagi gara2 dia janji mo ngerokok bareng gw jam 4..

Ternyata later I found out kalo dia udah cabs ke kantor satu lagi.. Ternyata dalam hati gw kecewa cuman gara2 dia lupa dah janji ama gw.. Sementara dia sibuk ngomong sori sori sori.. maaf ya.. dan gw yg dgn gaya seakan diingkari janji oleh kekasih hati "Huh! Tiadak maaf bagimuh..".

Lunch kemaren bareng ama dia n temen2 kami.. dia biasa aja.. Jadi gw sampe pd kesimpulan bahwa.. ya su.. anggaplah yg terjadi di bandung itu adalah satu kesilapan.

n then tiba2 sekitar jam 3 an ada sms masuk.

Dia: Lapor! Gw ke ABC (Red: ABC tu kantor kita yg satu lagi)

Gw langsung telp dia.. Apa2an nih.. Pake lapor2 segala... Sekali - masuk mailbox... Ke dua kali - masih mailbox..

Gw: ABC apa pijet? Ditelp mailbox mulu..
Dia: Please call me again..

Again gw coba telp dia.. Waiting.. Telp lagi.. Masi waiting.. Sekali lagi.. Masi waiting juga.. I gave up

Gw: Kalo ga mailbox online. Susah deh kalo orang super duper sibuk..

Gw tinggal ngerokok ke bawah.. Then ada telp masuk.. Gw liat.. Nama dia.. Akhirnya kita yg end up becanda norak tentang perlu apa nggak-nya dia lapor2 ke mana dia pergi.. Akhirnya malah dia ngomong kalo dia besok ke Bandung.. Koq malah lapor terus.. Dia bilang siy karena gw marah2 kemarennya waktu dia ke ABC ga bilang2.. God.. Gw berasa baru pacaran lagi..

What about today?? Pagi tadi gw berjanji di kamar mandi.. Bahwa gw gak kan sms2 dia lagi.. Gak kan telp2 dia lagi.. Gak kan mancing2 dia lagi... Dan apakah yg terjadi?? Yg terjadi adalah gw sms dia nyeritain sesuatu hal tentang tetangga duduk gw di ktr.. then dia telp gw.. yes.. Dia telp gw.. And we talked for about 1/2 hour... Termasuk dalam percakapan: (Dia) 2 kali ajakan untuk gabung ama dia di bandung.. (Gw) sekali ucapan bahwa gw sebenernya pengen meluk dia dari malem sebelumnya.. (Dia) sekali bahwa kejadian kemaren adalah gara2 gw melukai ego dia sebagai lelaki dengan berani2nya terang2an memuja bapak karismatik itu di depan dia.. (Gw) dua kali ancaman awas kalo berani2 nakal and having a good time di sana tanpa gw..

God... I think I'm sick.. Gw penjahat yg berjanji untuk bermain tanpa hati.. Karena gw udah punya co yg gw sayang sepenuh hati for the last 8 years.. Yg bae banget n sejuta kali lebih ganteng dari dia.. Gw yg gengsi banget lantaran mikirin reputasi gw sebagai pencinta keindahan bakal rusak gara2 gw pernah canoodling ama dia yg secara fisik be (biasa) aja gitu.. Tapi kenapa gw sekarang berasa berbunga2 kayak baru jatuh cinta...

ORANG GILAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Don't know where to start.. Don't know what to write.. I'm confused..

Berawal dari kepergian kita sekampung ke bandung wik en kemaren. Sebenernya bukan sekampung.. orangnya emang sekampung banyaknya, tapi mereka bukan temen sekampung, tapi temen kantor satu divisi.. Ada siy beberapa bintang tamu dari sektor laen..

Sebenernya siy gw udah ngerasa aneh ama diri gw sendiri.. Jadi sehari sebelumnya gw dah ketemu ma dia, biasa lah, lunch bareng.. trus dia bilang ada meeting jumat sore, kayaknya ga bakalan bisa berangkat bareng kita2. Trus gw berasa "agak" kecewa gitu.. *I don't even know why, there've never been anything between us, never*

Pas jumat pagi itu tiba2 dia udah nongol bareng kita2 nunggu bis jemputan dateng, gw jadi tiba2 girang *kayak abis nge-gele gitu deeh*. Gw siy udah ngerasa kalo gw tuh aneh banget hari itu.. Koq jadinya sepanjang perjalanan kpengen deket2 dia truss.. Trus jadi bete gara2 pas makan malem dia duduk agak sedikit jauh dari gw. I mean, sejak kapan? Gw ngerasa selama ini gw gak da rasa apa2 gitu ama dia. Secara mukanya standar - padahal kriteria gw soal co jelas banget, no 1 tampang no 2 tampang no 3 masi tampang no 4 baru kecerdasan.. haha -, secara bodynya ga da sexy2nya, secara dia gak napsuin, secara kita juga pernah share double bed waktu retreat ke bali n nothing happened... I swear.. nothing happened, which is kalo kata temen2 gw.. Elo? Gak ngapa2in? Ih, ga mungkin bangedd.. hehe..

Malemnya beberapa dari kita jalan n akhirnya nongkrong di satu tempat... gw minum agak banyak.. abiss.. baileys single cuman 13,500. Bayangin!!! Jadilah gw pesen double, double, double.. Sampe mata gw udah mulai sayu.. hehe..

Balik dari sana kita sempet ngebubur.. n then... cerita2 serem.. Ini nih... Udah tau gw penakut.. Dulu waktu di bali itu gw ngajak dia tidur bareng (yg gak kejadian apa2 itu loh - Iya, syil, iya.. Point taken) juga gara2 ada temen gw cerita malem sebelumnya dia ada yg nindihin.. secara hotel di bali serem gitu banyak patung2.. Jadilah gw minta temenin dia tidur.. Yg ada kita ngobrol ampe dini hari.. trus ketiduran.. yg bener2 ga ngapa2in.. (D'oh udah 17x nih bilang ga ngapa2in..)..

Anyway busway gara2 dia cerita kuntilanak itu gw sebenernya agak takut juga buat tidur sendiri.. secara anak2 udah pada naek lift duluan.. ga ada yg tau lah ya kalo gw minta dia temenin tidur.. (Again) gw minta dia tidur di kamar gw ajah.. Aman.. secara twin bed... Ngobrol2 bentar.. Sampe dia tidur..

Paginya juga biasa aja.. Qta breakfast bareng.. Abis itu gw pikir dia mo balik ke kamarnya.. Ternyata nggak.. Balik ke kamar gw, trus qta ngobrol2 lagi.. dia tiduran di tempat tidur dia, gw di tempat tidur gw.. Gw juga bingung berawal dari mana.. Kayaknya gw yg salah siy.. Kalo kata si ganteng kecengan gw di kantor  "Hobby lo tuh mancing2.. pasti dehh..."

Yg gw inget gw marah2in dia gara2 dia ngungkit soal bapak2 pujaan gw di kantor pas waktu di bis di depan orang sekampung.. Gw berasa ga seru marah2 sementara posisi dia jauh banget, jadilah gw pindah ke tempat tidur dia.. duduk di samping dia yg lagi tiduran.. *yes, I have to admit.. this is my first fault.. second one is coming..* Trus gw marah2 deh.. Sampe dia ngomong, "Loh emang elo beneran suka ama dia??.. Gw pikir becandaan doang". Akhirnya gw ngaku kalo gw sempet sms-an ama bapak kharismatik itu. Gw ceritain dehh semua. Sms gw yg di skak mat ama bapak itu dengan jawaban "Kan harus sayang sama keluarga". Sampe dia ngomong kalo gw tu sakit lah gila lah.. Sampe dia berusaha untuk meluk gw.. sementara muka dia gw tutupin pake bantal.. Gw berasa tanda bahaya sih pas dia mo meluk gw gitu.. Akhirnya gw ngehindar n jalan ke arah jendela.. Di bawah gw liat temen2 kami.. Gw sambil ngomong eh itu mobil si itu, itu ada si itu sama si itu, mo pada ke mana ya.. Dan dia trus nyusul berdiri di belakang gw, n nyenderin kepalanya di bahu gw.. Sambil bilang mana mana.. *Secara dia kagak pake kaca mata.. mana keliatan!!*

Gw ngehindar lagi.. Cuman kayaknya dia udah males main kucing2an.. Jadilah dia nangkep gw.. n then he kissed me.. Right on my lips.. At that time I could not think.. All I know was this is a person who I considered as one of my bestest friends.. Then why do I have his tongue inside my mouth.. That's what I didn't understand.. Not even now.. What I was thinking????? Trus kenapa gw gak nolak??? Gak tauuuuuu..... Kalo dia siy gw yakin gak mikir.. Secara napsu banget gitu.. Kalo dibiarin walaahhh... We didn't do it though.. We're ended just canoodling in bed until check out time, just embracing n kissing.. n he kept on saying that I'm a very very very very bad person.. *Booo.. dia meluk gw sampe gw gak bisa napass.. Trus dgn kurang ajarnya dia bilang itu lantaran idung gw kekecilan*

Deep inside my heart gw mikir siiyy.. Cuman waktu itu gw juga kepengen tau kayak apa siy rasanya.. Padahal gw gak mabok.. I wish I could say it was the alcohol doing.. Booo.... Kita tuh udah sobber dari jam 4 pagi kaliii.. Baileys siy gak efek lah ya... gak nge-gele.... Padahal dia ga cakep.. gak napsuin.. padahal dia tuh temen gw banget... Banget banget banget... Yg gw ngerasa gw bisa ngomong apa aja ama dia.. Trus kenapa?? Koq bisaaaa????.. Padahal dia udah merit.. Padahal bininya satu sma ma gw.. Gilaaaaa... Ternyata gw emang terlahir sebagai penjahat!!!!